Chapter 9 - Get your kit off!

I´ve already seen about 100 naked Icelandic women! I´m sure you are wondering... How is that possible? Where? When? What does Birna think about that? Is it true what they say about Icelandic women? Well well... let me tell you a little story... Once upon a time, when Birna went to work... Um, maybe I should stop right there seeing as this is a ´family program´ afterall (and Birna may be reading this! Hi darling...!) Ok ok... let me start again... I have seen many naked women... but not in some seedy underground club downtown (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)... but during my visits to the swimming pools here. The locals love to go to the swimming pool.... it´s the national ´thing´ that they do... just like the Poms go to the pub to get pissed... the Icelandic people go to the heated swimming pools to relax.

So anyway... they are very strict here about the swimming pools and the ´rituals´ that you must follow before entering the pool. It´s not just a matter of going to the pool stripping off your clothes, putting your togs on and diving in... No, no, no! You MUST strip off TOTALLY NAKED and shower BEFORE you enter the pool. There are no cubicles either - it´s an all in frenzy... nice and cosy! There are also signs clearly marked that this is compulsory and workers actually peruse the shower block to monitor that people comply with the rules (they take their job very seriously). And it should also be noted that you can only get to the pool via the shower section. I´m not sure if foreigners (who find this ritual quite bizarre and uncomfortable) have tried to ´outwit, outplay and outlast´ these ´hall monitors´ ... I wonder what would happen if one attempted to undertake the daring task of trying to escape the ritual and head straight for the pool... Would there be flashing lights and deafening sirens? Would the ´hall monitor´ crash tackle the offender? Would there be a public stoning? Maybe something I can test out and get back to you... But kids, don´t try this at home!

On a nice clear day the locals flock to the pools and they sit there like sardines in a can... Everyone´s bunched closely together. (At one point I almost found myself sitting on the lap of an old man with speedos on... and even had to restrain myself from throwing my arms around him and launching into telling him what I wanted for Christmas!)

But I must say... The pools are very relaxing and the water is very very hot (and no it´s not because people have pissed in the pools – is it??!!??).

The first time we visited the pool and did the whole ´shower ritual thing´ Birna saw someone she knew and they were happily chatting whilst totally butt-naked. I was very glad Birna (who clearly saw my bizarre facial expressions) chose not to introduce me as I would have felt very awkward and uncomfortable meeting someone for the first time whilst stark naked! I probably wouldn´t recognise that lady again if I saw her with her clothes on either! I haven´t seen any group hugs in the showers yet – hopefully that isn´t part of the ´ritual´ cos it´d be a little scarey at times, particularly with the older (and saggier) women!

Anyways... All is good here in the land of ice! Work and my language course are going pretty well. I haven´t killed any of the kids yet so that´s a good sign.

I´m loving the long days!! It´s staying light later and later. The other night after work Birna and I joined a hiking group and went on a 3 hour hike... It didn´t finish until after 10pm. We thought it would be an easy hike but it was pretty difficult. The terrain was very rough and hard on the knees and the back. (With all our injuries, Birna and I are like two little old ladies! We will be racing each other in our wheelchairs by the age of 40!)

We literally climbed a mountain... in the rain, hail, sleet and sunshine! It was really beautiful to be in amongst nature and the fresh air... good for the mind, body and soul! So whilst I was taking in the lovely peaceful surroundings, a loud unpleasant sound broke the silence... I thought... Is it a bird? ...No. Is it a plane? ...No. It was one of the men in our group who let one rip! And I mean... let it rip! Needless to say, the air was fresh no more! Then... Two minutes later he pulls down his pants and does a wee right in front of us! I was very disturbed by his unrestrained bodily functions and lack of social etiquette, so I wanted to show him how a classy person behaves... you know... set a good example, be a positive role model and all... so during one of our pit stops, I pissed in his water bottle and shat in his backpack! If there were more people like me, the world would be a better place - It´s all about doing onto others as they do onto you!