When will I be famous?
Our media like to “claim” celebrities and make sure the whole world knows they are Australian. In a news story, they don’t report “Kylie Minogue is releasing a new album…” or “Princess Mary has given birth…” instead they talk about “our Kylie” and “our Mary.” We even like to claim celebrities from other nations as our own, including Russell Crowe (who was born in New Zealand). So that means when I become famous, they will talk about how proud they are of “our Iri” and it will start World War III as my birth country Belgium will fight to assert I belong to them.
I wonder if the media in Iceland do the same when it comes to their most famous export, Björk. This week she attacked a New Zealand photographer and almost ripped his jumper right off. I think she should be ordered to wear a shirt that on the front reads “beware – I attack” and on the back “I am the exception” so people don’t think all Icelandic people are crazy.
My road to fame is still a work in progress. When I was younger, I wanted to be a professional tennis player. I even used to practise signing my autograph for when I became famous. When my tennis career didn’t quite work out, I moved on to Plan B, which was to stay in the field of tennis - and be a ball girl. However, seeing as I never quite knew what to do with the "balls" I had to find a new career. It was then that I turned to Plan C… becoming a famous rock star. I know I have what it takes… I can play three and a half songs on the guitar (including Phoebe's "smelly cat"), I can sing like Britney Spears and I can do the moon walk - which have all been perfected from many years practising in front of the mirror. My other strengths include playing air guitar and I am currently working on my caterpillar dance move. Whilst I wait to hear back from Sony Records and Australian Idol, I am available for parties, corporate functions and weddings. Please contact my agent for further details.
3 comments:
"When bjorks attack"
And actually, Kylie is British. We laid claim to her when we were the only nation who took her seriously as Charlene in Neighbours. Oh no, you didn't want her then, did ya?
For those of you who have not heard Iri sing and / or play the guitar, she is very talented. Iri babe, you have a beautiful voice and i am certain you know more than three and a half songs! So, stop selling yourself short; knock on those doors and where a shirt that says "i can sing and play the guitar!", or you could just wear a shirt that says "hear me out". Oh of course, i am happy to be one of your groupies to just get the shows rolling, you know, get the atmosphere pumped... xo
the media here in iceland is just the same, they go on about "our Björk" (except obviously when she's beaten up another paparazzi) but "we" take it a step further and include all celebrities who've ever stopped for refueling at Keflavik... "Our Jude Law" went swimming in Reykjavik, "our Mel B" (or was it Mel C) recorded a video in the Blue Lagoon, it's even "our Robbie Williams" who rapidly left the country ahead of schedule after somebody bottled him on stage...
Gosh, I'm so proud of being Icelandic along with all those celebrities!!!
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