The Olympics

Don’t you just love watching the Olympic Games? Whether it’s watching the seven and eight year-old pre-pubescent Chinese and Russian girls in the gymnastics, or watching the lanky Kenyans in the long-distance running events (who run so fast because they are envisioning being chased by lions), or watching the steroid munching athletes running the sprint events… there is so much excitement and drama!

The event I find most difficult to watch though is the Gymnastics – because it is so technically difficult. It’s heartbreaking to think that they have trained years and years, performing to perfection more often than not, yet then making a mistake on the day that matters most. And especially when the Chinese gymnasts are the ones that make the mistakes, I become sad and think to myself, “oh that poor little girl, she won’t ever see her family again because she will now be taken away and shot.”

Some events are quite funny to watch, like the Synchronized Swimming. I never did get that sport. A bunch of people flailing about in the water, with a peg clipped on their noses, all the while trying their hardest to smile whilst treading water. All looks very strange to me. Judo is also funny to watch – two fat people trying to tackle the other and then lying on top of them. Looks more like foreplay to me. I think the “nipple cripple” would be an effective strategy in this sport.

The Shot-Put and Javelin track-and-field events are also interesting to watch. The athletes yell and scream upon releasing the ball and javelin. Do they think that the screaming is going to propel the thing further or something? They just look really constipated to me when they do that, like they’re trying to push out a big poo or something, especially when their faces go bright red and a vein pops out of their forehead.